Item #: SCP-1337
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1337's carrier message should never be opened, and should be deleted immediately. In the event of containment failure, all infected hardware must be disconnected and buried in a hole at least 43' deep. All clothing worn within the last 24 hours by the offending party must be incinerated.
Description: SCP-1337 is a computer-borne virus that quickly spreads to various other mediums, causing random events.
Note: Virus Alert
Attention please. We wish to inform you of a computer virus that was brought to the attention of the administration this morning.
Any personnel that receive e-mail with the the subject "stinky cheese" should not , under any circumstances open it.
The virus has been known to:
- Translate all text file on the infected computer into Swahili
- Make video recording devices record Gigli
- Neuter any pets belonging to the owner of the infected computer.
- Give various articles of clothing belonging to the owner fo the infected computer. static cling
- cause the computer screen to freeze
- Erase any Easter egg type files of of any off your DVDs in th e affected parties possesion.
- Erase all data , including back up from the infected computer as well as those of any one related to or associated with the owner of the infected computer.
- cause the paint on the walls of the room that the infected computer is in to peel.
- Make the keyboard conected to the computer sticky.
- Invest the money of the computer owner in stock in EuroDisney
- use the nearest phone for making crank long distance calls
- Set all clocks within the vicinity of the affected computer back an hour
- Give the owner of the computer what has been referred to as a "permanent wedgie"
- Legally change the name of the computer owner to name to Reggie or any other varriant of the name Reginauld
- alter pH balance in any near by body of water.
- Melt the face off the skull of anyone who looks at the screen.
- erase all files from any MP3 device connected to the computer and replace it with Jethro Tull
- Tell knock-knock jokes during nocturnal hours
- Make the computers owner physically attracted to sheep and other ungulates.
- Steal and use the identity and credit card of affected people
- purchase a warehouse full of pink leotards in the name of the computer owner
- Create a large temporal anomaly.
- cause twink rapers to materialize in the immediate area of the computer
- Send sensitive files to the elderly relatives of personnel
- Turn musical instruments into sea life
We recommend that you delete immediately and forward this message to all personnel.
- Dr. Yankovic