SCP-1337
rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-1337

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1337's carrier message should never be opened, and should be deleted immediately. In the event of containment failure, all infected hardware must be disconnected and buried in a hole at least 43' deep. All clothing worn within the last 24 hours by the offending party must be incinerated.

Description: SCP-1337 is a computer-borne virus that quickly spreads to various other mediums, causing random events.

Note: Virus Alert

Attention please. We wish to inform you of a computer virus that was brought to the attention of the administration this morning.
Any personnel that receive e-mail with the the subject "stinky cheese" should not , under any circumstances open it.

The virus has been known to:

  • Translate all text file on the infected computer into Swahili
  • Make video recording devices record Gigli
  • Neuter any pets belonging to the owner of the infected computer.
  • Give various articles of clothing belonging to the owner fo the infected computer. static cling
  • cause the computer screen to freeze
  • Erase any Easter egg type files of of any off your DVDs in th e affected parties possesion.
  • Erase all data , including back up from the infected computer as well as those of any one related to or associated with the owner of the infected computer.
  • cause the paint on the walls of the room that the infected computer is in to peel.
  • Make the keyboard conected to the computer sticky.
  • Invest the money of the computer owner in stock in EuroDisney
  • use the nearest phone for making crank long distance calls
  • Set all clocks within the vicinity of the affected computer back an hour
  • Give the owner of the computer what has been referred to as a "permanent wedgie"
  • Legally change the name of the computer owner to name to Reggie or any other varriant of the name Reginauld
  • alter pH balance in any near by body of water.
  • Melt the face off the skull of anyone who looks at the screen.
  • erase all files from any MP3 device connected to the computer and replace it with Jethro Tull
  • Tell knock-knock jokes during nocturnal hours
  • Make the computers owner physically attracted to sheep and other ungulates.
  • Steal and use the identity and credit card of affected people
  • purchase a warehouse full of pink leotards in the name of the computer owner
  • Create a large temporal anomaly.
  • cause twink rapers to materialize in the immediate area of the computer
  • Send sensitive files to the elderly relatives of personnel
  • Turn musical instruments into sea life

We recommend that you delete immediately and forward this message to all personnel.

- Dr. Yankovic

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