Item #: SCP-967
Object Class: Safe Euclid (pending)
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-967 has been moved to secure locations several times, but always returns to the garage where it was found. No method of containing it has been successful. SCP-967 simply disappears from containment and reappears in its garage. During the last attempt to move it, SCP-967 disappeared while in transit, before it had even been taken two kilometers from its garage.
Given SCP-967's seemingly benign nature and the practical impossibility of containing it, it should be allowed to stay in the garage where it was found. Two Level 3 personnel should guard the vehicle at all times. Guards may feel free to experiment with placing objects in the trunk, if it opens. Results should be reported and documented immediately.
All objects modified by SCP-967 should be destroyed immediately after testing and documentation.
Description: SCP-967 was found in a derelict garage on an abandoned property located near [DATA EXPUNGED]. It appears to be a 1967 model year Volkswagen Beetle. It has been fitted with several aftermarket parts, such as custom wheels, tires, and high-output halogen headlamps. The vehicle is extremely dirty, covered with greasy handprints, mold, and mud on the rear fenders. Any attempts to clean the vehicle have been unsuccessful. Attempts to force open its doors, engine cover, or trunk lid have failed.
Occasionally, SCP-967's trunk will open of its own accord. The interior of the trunk appears to be the same as a normal VW Beetle's. The trunk has been observed to remain open for as little as seven minutes and as long as forty-four hours before closing. If something is placed inside the trunk, the trunk will close as soon as any hands or other objects that might impede its closing are removed. After a period of no more than fifteen minutes, the trunk will open again. Objects placed inside are somehow modified by SCP-967, generally in ways that "improve" them for their intended function.
Objects placed inside the trunk have included:
- A pair of denim jeans - came out as a pair of denim jeans that would expand or shrink to fit anyone trying them on
- A leather wallet, empty - came out as a leather wallet that would dispense exactly the amount of money required for whatever the user was purchasing
- An inexpensive digital watch - came out as an inexpensive digital watch that functioned only as a countdown timer; watch set itself to a different time for each wearer and began counting down
- A house key blank - came out as a house key blank that would open any lock into which it would fit
- A 9mm pistol, unloaded - came out as a 9mm pistol; no apparent modification aside from it being very clean and various scuffs and scratches repaired
- Seventeen rounds of 9mm ammuntion - came out as seventeen rounds of 9mm ammuntion that [DATA EXPUNGED]
- A large housecat - trunk would not close
- A petite-statured class D personnel - trunk would not close
- A domestic rat inside a small plastic case - came out as a domestic rat inside a large cage stocked with high-quality bedding, an exercise wheel, a tunnel maze, a full food bowl, and a full water dispenser
Addendum 967-01: It has been suggested that perhaps SCP-808 should attempt to communicate with SCP-967. SCP-967 does not appear to incorporate any electronics more advanced than its solid state radio, so 808's ability to communicate with it is highly dubious. Even so, the suggestion has been taken under advisement.
Addendum 967-02: Personnel assigned to guard SCP-967 have begun to report feelings of unease around the vehicle, though it has not moved or opened its trunk in some time. Personnel assigned to guard SCP-967 should be removed from duty at any sign of mental instability.
Addendum 967-03: It has been suggested that perhaps a VW key blank should be placed in the trunk the next time it opens, in hopes that it will come out able to unlock SCP-967's doors. The suggestion has been taken under advisement.
Addendum 967-04: After the incident with Agent █████'s cell phone, personnel are no longer allowed to place items in SCP-967's trunk without approval. Agent █████ is recovering well from surgery to remove the device. Upgrading SCP-967's status to "Euclid" is deemed unnecessary, as Agent █████ suffered only minor pain when the device implanted itself and his life was never in danger. After Agent █████ was safely quarantined, a staff doctor was allowed in to examine him. Attached is a portion of the transcript of Agent █████'s conversation with the doctor.
Doctor ███████: Are you in any pain?
Agent █████: Not anymore. It hurt when it was digging in.
Doctor ███████: What does it seem to be doing?
Agent █████: It's just a cell phone, but all I have to do is think about who I want to talk to, and it calls them. And … I hear them in my head.
Doctor ███████: In your head?
Agent █████: Yeah. Not with my ears, but in my mind. I called my wife and tried to just think at her. That didn't work.
Doctor ███████: The thoughts were not transmitted?
Agent █████: No, she could hear them, but it was a bunch of jumbled crap. She couldn't make sense of it. It was better for me just to speak. (long pause) I called my Dad with this thing, too.
Doctor █████: And he received the call?
Agent █████: Yeah, he did. I talked to him for a little bit. My Dad's been dead for fifteen years.
Doctor ███████: You are suffering auditory hallucinations. We need to get this thing out of you.
Agent █████: No! It was my Dad. It was really my Dad.
Doctor ███████: Please, remain calm.
Agent █████: I don't want it out!
The "cell phone" ceased to function after being removed from Agent █████. It was suggested that it be placed in SCP-967's trunk a second time to see if it could be further "perfected" by SCP-967. This suggestion was denied and the "cell phone" was destroyed after thorough analysis.
Addendum 967-05: A VW key blank shall be kept in close proximity to SCP-967 and will be placed in the trunk in the event it opens. When the key comes out, personnel on hand shall test it in SCP-967's doors. If the key will unlock the doors, personnel are to contact administration and await further instructions. A research team should be dispatched immediately to examine the passenger compartment of SCP-967, taking all normal precautions.
Addendum 967-06: Attached is a transcript of the audio log of Agent █████'s call to Administration, prior to Agent ███'s disappearance. It has been edited to include only Agent █████'s and Agent ███'s comments, for clarity.
Agent █████: This is Agent █████, assigned to SCP-967. Time is [DATA EXPUNGED]. I'm calling to report that 967's trunk opened as soon as it became aware of the blank key. Agent ███ put the key in the trunk and the trunk closed. We're waiting on it to —
Agent ███: (in background) It's opening.
Agent █████: That was fast. (to Administration) What should we do?
Agent ███: (in background) What do they want us to do?
Agent █████: I'm asking. They want to know what's in the trunk.
Agent ███: (in background) The key. It's not blank anymore, there's (inaudible).
Agent █████: They want to know if it unlocks the door.
Agent ███: (in background) (inaudible)
Agent █████: (to Administration) Shouldn't a Class D personnel do this? (to Agent ███) They just want you to unlock it, not open it.
Agent ███: (in background) All right. The key goes in the lock. The lock's stiff but I think (inaudible). It's unlocked. The thing, the little button (inaudible). Now what?
Agent █████: (to Administration) It's unlocked. (to Agent ███) They're sending a research team. (to Administration) Do we have permission to lock it back until they get here? This doesn't feel
(sound of a car door opening)
Agent █████: Jesus Christ!
Agent ███: God Almighty!
(several seconds of static)
Class D personnel were sent into SCP-967's garage to assess the situation. Agent █████ was lying on the floor, unconscious. Agent ███ was not in the garage, nor visible in the passenger compartment of SCP-967. It was noted that SCP-967's doors were both closed and locked, though a key, most probably the key that Agent ███ used to unlock the door, was inserted into SCP-967's ignition. The ignition appeared to be in the "off" position.
SCP-967 had been completely cleaned. It was described as looking "better than new" by Class D personnel who examined it.
Agent █████ remains comatose. He should be kept in quarantine until further notice. It is worth noting that his hair has been bleached white. Should he regain consciousness, he should of course be interrogated.
Until further notice, SCP-967 should be only observed via remote video and audio feeds. Class D personnel should set up at least three cameras, one for the trunk and for each door. One camera should monitor the key in SCP-967's ignition. Any change in status of SCP-967 must be reported immediately. Only Class D personnel are allowed contact with SCP-967 until further notice. Personnel are forbidden to put any items in SCP-967's trunk.
Reclassification of SCP-967 to "Euclid" pending.